it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Randomize
