I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
