omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
We have so much sex to catch up on
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
