Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
not ubering you a puppy
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
