yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
You are the jesus of drinking
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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