True but thats because hes a fetus.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
