see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
