When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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