White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
