two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
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and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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