I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Randomize
