just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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