Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
