The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
We have so much sex to catch up on
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
