my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Randomize
