my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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