you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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