I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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