Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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