8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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