I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
