stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
