I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i can't believe i had my finger in that
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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