i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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