I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I checked into jail on foursquare
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
