Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
