Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
