Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
