Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
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