She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
