So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
