I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
