I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
