You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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