It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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