what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
