just come out here and I will go home with you...
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
