I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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