Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
