when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
