when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
