Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
