Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
