she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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