the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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