I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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