remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
