I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
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and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
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i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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