Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
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