Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
