Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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