she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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