she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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