Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
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