everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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