I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
i think im in europe. pls send help
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
