My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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