I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
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since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
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Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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