You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
