giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
