is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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