i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Randomize
